It's an immensely sad thing to see your parents age, grow frailer, lose the youthful elements. But it is sadder to be a daughter (to your parents) in our society. And it is the saddest to be a married daughter who lives away from her parents. You can worry about them from the distance but there is nothing you can do about it. This feeling of helplessness grows onto you every passing day but you have to carry on with your new life. They made the same sacrifices for you — maybe more — as for any of your male counterparts but you lose the right to care about them the same way as any of your male counterparts can, the day you are given into someone else's custody. And there is nothing you can do about it. Nor can they. You can be the most strong independent woman all you want but this you can't escape. You have to live the rest of your life with this guilt. You couldn't be enough. You can't be. Then you get to have a daughter of your own someday and it's the same pain all over again but with a shift in roles and characters. And it goes on and on and on. What a sad thing to be a woman!

 I have been the most speechless on the occasions when my heart was moved the most, touched at its deepest, caressed on the corners I had long forgotten existed. On those occasions, I try to summon the courage to recall every fancy, deep, complex word in my meagre vocabulary but every single one of them seems absurd compared to the intensity of what I am feeling in that moment, so my lips refuse to move and that's when I inadvertently give in to the only form of expression my heart and brain agree on: tears. I have not known a better way yet, I don't think I ever will. 

In the Memory of my Precious Maggie

It has been only a few months since the first time I saw you, since the first time I held you in my arms. I could never have guessed you'd slip away so easily, so early out of my embrace. You have left a big hole named 'Maggie' inside my heart which nothing else can fill, ever. I hope to meet you someday at a better place, in a much better condition. I had so much love to give you, it breaks my heart to realize that you will never return to me, not in this world. 

I am dying to hear your innocent, high-pitched voice for one last time. I was not ready to let you go, I had so much faith in you, your strength, despite all the odds. I am so proud of you for fighting it all till your last breath, for teaching me to hope against all the odds. Nothing can replace the joy and warmth you brought to our hearts. I am so sorry you had to go through so much with such a frail body. I am sorry for not being enough, for not being a better friend. I can't stop missing you, looking at your photos and videos all day long, and crying, even as I write this for you. I can't shake the idea of you returning to me off my head, the days and nights I lived hoping you would get well soon and I would cuddle the heck out of you, tease you and give you all of my love and care. 

You were the liveliest, cutest, most innocent thing ever. I will not forget the cute massages you gave me with your adorable, smoll paws. I will not forget the eyes with which you used to look at me when I force-fed the food and medicines to you, that look that said: what is happening? Why is it happening to me? I hope that you are at a much better place as I write this, and free of pain, out of misery. One of these days I will find the courage to say you goodbye, hopefully. But if there's anything I can promise you now is the space inside my heart, solely for you. You didn't stay with us for long, but you gave us so many memories to hold on to forever. We are thankful to you for that. God bless, my love.

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If the harsh heat of Sun burns your bare skin, worry not.

For the same heat keeps you and everything around you alive.

If the quizzical uncertainties threaten to engulf your sanity, fret not.

For those uncertainties may be the string of hope for bleak possibilities nearing reality.

If the offensively luminous flash of light blinds every cell of your eyes, cry not.

For the luminosity might be carrying the photons bearing the message of tranquility for someone.

If the bare edge of glass mercilessly cuts open the skin around your flesh, hurt not.

For the same glass might be holding the finest wine to be poured in someone's glass.

But remember, remember this like one of your favorite childhood stories,

That when the Sun doesn't burn your skin, but brings warmth,

When the uncertainties come greet you with undying hope,

When the flash of light illuminates the darkness inside your soul,

When the edge of glass cuts your cord with the misery that bounds you,

Don't turn your back to yourself.

For the universe might not align the stars for you again.

They saw demons in the daylight,

They found allies in the dark,

They heard shrieks from the alleys,

Places where their memories were parked,

And when the doors of pity did open,

They'd jump back into their pits,

Put on the blanket of ominous silence,

They'd bury their eyes in the hollows.

Where the loudest sound was a whisper,

Of the wind that teased the yellowing paper,

Such was the place of their hiding,

A cellar without a tinge of hue.

The words collide, scatter and recoil,
Before my lips make a turmoil,
So I trap the words that fail to escape,
And bind them to form futile, arrhythmic poems,
Yet my words stay as meaningless as the whispers of the dead,
While every ear plays deaf.

Drowning in the gleam,

Of the eye catching sheen,

On the face of waters deep,

Under the calm of palm trees,

Cuddled in the arms of breeze,

Wrapped in warm memories,

My worries are put to sleep,

That's when I think of thee,

I think of thee,

Playing hide and seek,

In the garden of belief,

Far from the realm of grief,

The glimpse of glee on your face,

Worth more than jewels of a king,

I want to live that joy,

What better gift could I buy,

And not the ruins and remains,

Or the memories of dreary days,

From when hearts were loaded,

With only fury and vengeance.

I was twirling in the dark,
When the sky embarked,
On the hunt night-long,
With the army of stars,
In search of rebels on the Earth,
The glimmer in my eyes got me caught.

The Unresolved Enigma

A shadow, discerning, imitating in ways unrecognizable, wanders unrecognized,

A spirit finding spirit, too beyond the scope of senses to comprehend and rationalize,

Virtuous, fervent, instinctive, knitted altogether,

Looking for the scattered pieces of truth to gather.

Contest between puffs and drugs was to end at a verdict,

Liquor stole away the ruling, the crown, leaving both astounded.

They say let your steps find you your destination,

How are steps to know of their absurdity when heart is in domination?

For togetherness, apart-ness exist not, what is separation? Illusion.

Then why seek limit when you can reach infinity?

What did you see with eyes opened? Nothing.

What when you closed them to open the inner ones? Everything.

Longing of retention knocked at the door asking for asylum,

Was refused with words telling why beg when you already have it? You're misguided.

When truth kept a mask plastered on its ever-so-rare enchanting face,

Smile was used as disguise, followed never ending spell of mesmerizing quietness.

For the nothingness, the goodness inexistent,

Came an accepting call for the list of flaws, consistent.

Question of finding what was finding the finding arose,

The answer was there all along, the findings never found it out.

If ends were the ends, the world would have ended countless times,

Life is a journey through thick and thin, we call them good and bad times.

Talk about ceasing of ecstasy, eternity evoked,

Tell if any of the oceans ever said it had water no more?

To see the concealed, time embarked on a new journey,

A journey with the same start and destination, ever heard of it?

Happiness lost its way, worry could not avoid haste,

Thoughts, words and acts were there, subtly, way back to home was made.

The wind of wilderness withered solace away,

The thorn felt the agony, ironically, wailed for it to be taken away.

Serenity found its way to reach storm's elusive ears,

It whispered a tranquil note of hope, a gentle little gesture.

Not knowing the aversion, the underlying uncertainty of the storm,

Serenity kept overlooking and miscalculating the direction of the storm,

The storm still wanders in solitude, searching for serenity, mangling it in despair.

How is serenity to know the storm could never resolve the mystery it hid?

So like a shadow, a mirror, it will keep imitating and reflecting everything,

Knowing having nothing to own, no applause, doesn't ever bother it.

Beyond the limits of time and space,
Beyond the world of humans and race,
Under the spell of stars in the night sky,
Over the oozy layer of sand, let's catch light,
When the moonlight kisses your lucid, stern face,
In the mystifying embrace of solemn solace,
Listen to the serene song of moving water waves,
Pluck the strings of my heart with words you never say,
I will listen to the silence, the sound of your breaths,
While the cool breeze coaxes you till the child in you falls a prey,
To the emptiness of your heartbeat, amplifying in your veins,
Sing to me the song you like the least, is what you'd do next,
Till the hollowness shies away, sing till there's no agony left.